I have recently come to the conclusion I can't live my son's life for him. I am not sure quite why I have a fear of failure...for him. It's this inner pain, heart pounding anxiety, wanting to control the life he has to live. Quite frankly, it seems irrational. I mean, if my parents had lived my life for me, where would I be? I found early in life that failure was a part of life, and it was a meaningful part of life because I learned more about me...about God....and my need to trust Him. If I hadn't failed, I don't think I would have the personal ability to not be crushed by failure, the pick "myself up by my bootstraps-work through anything" ideology. I don't really worry about failing for myself because I know, with failure, I learn about me...about how to overcome...about how to keep moving...and success. I've done it lots...and I'll do it more.
With this heart-thumping worry, I spend too much time, wasting hours, pondering how I can 'make' him more successful. In doing so, I am losing my perspective on his need to encounter failure, to overcome it. He needs to find out for himself how to move out of it...keep going...trust God...and succeed.
For now, I'll have to "let go, let God" carry me through this time. One thing I know...he needs to endure it, persevere through it. I need to back off...and stop fearing it.
